Oh, Spiritual Heart!
“Thus, in order to find the Abode of the Creator, one has to direct the search not upward but depthward. First, inside one’s own body — by transforming the emotional sphere: renouncing coarse emotional states (first of all — various forms of enmity: not only anger but also condemnation, envy, jealousy, etc.) and cultivating subtle ones (first of all — all kinds of emotional love: tenderness, caress, ability to admire the beautiful and to attune to it, etc.). Usually, success in this work can be achieved with the help of cleansing and development of the chakras and meridians.”
I’ve become less interested in the physical practice of yoga.
When someone recently asked about my process, I caught myself mid-sentence before I said, “I don’t care about the physical postures.”
I have been contemplating this statement for weeks, feeling it inside my body and wondering why it was my initial response.
Before I share where I am, I must tell you where I began. We will go back to a day that is quite blurry. I was a handful of years old, and my memory of this event is part of fact and fiction.
And aren’t all things a little bit of both?
My mind has crafted a story based on one statement of truth.
And so it begins!
Creation
My mother took me to a yin yoga class as a child. It was an adult class, though my mother took me and left my little sister (who would have been a babe) at home with my dad.
I don’t remember my mother telling me to behave or be quiet. It was not her way to admonish me this way; my mom provided little direction when I was a child. I was frustrated by this quality in her character as a youth, especially in my teens, when I wanted someone to push back and tell me what to do.
Though it was never my mother’s way, I am grateful for this quality of my learning today.
But that is another story.
In this narrative, I will tell you about when I attended my first yoga class with my mother.
There were candles on the floor, and a dark-haired woman guided the practice. What occurred beyond this point is fantasy; I could tell you about the poses and how we sat in a circle. I could give great decorous details about the closing circle and mantras we incanted together as the teacher rang a bell and a gong.
However, this is where my mind has been clever. I do not trust this portion of the story, and when I ask my mom to clarify the details, she shrugs and says, “I don’t remember. Maybe. It could have happened that way, and maybe not.”
The feeling inside of this memory is happiness. I enjoyed myself, not because I got to spend time with my mom. It is the opposite; I was very alone in the class, and my memory is of the room, the teacher’s voice, and the lights on the floor.
My mom did her own thing, and I took care of myself. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. This is a fact.
I attended more classes with my mom at this recreation center, though none left such a profound impression on my soul.
Expansion
In my teens, I was motivated by fitness and took a four-day Fit Flow Yoga Training. When I was nineteen, I taught my first yoga class. I taught the poses and wove them into sequences that provided a warm-up, strengthening, stretching, and rest. I continued teaching in this capacity for five years, mixing yoga with aerobics and what I would now call Pilates.
In my early twenties, when I was perhaps twenty-four, I attended a yoga class in Vancouver. I was at a low point in my life, unsettled. I’d secured a job in content creation and rented a studio apartment near the ocean. My student debt was paid off, and I had more freedom than when I was in school.
And I was miserable.
I remember lying on my living room rug and staring at the wall. I read The Goldfinch in two days and used the narrator’s pain to release my grief. I’d sit with the book on my lap and sob, tears filling its pages. I performed this exorcism for weeks.
In this state, I attended a yoga class at Yyoga on Burrard Street, a ten-minute walk from my work. It was a Saturday, grey and heavy. I remember the rain patterns on the windows and the scent of the instructor's perfume. She smelled sweet and earthy, and she felt grounded and sharp. She stood with her arms clasped behind her back as she spoke to the class.
It’s ok to feel what you feel, she said.
I cried through the lesson. I’d tucked myself in the back corner, and she stood close to me as she said these words.
After this event, I attended her classes weekly. This teacher permitted me to feel the misery, confusion, and disgust I’d amassed, and she created a space for me to move through my emotions.
By the end of each session, I felt lighter and brighter.
By the end of the season, I’d quit my job and moved to a quieter space in the city.
By the end of the year, I’d signed up for her 200-Hour Yoga Teacher Training.
The liberation I experienced was through my body. It was not enough to think about it: I had to feel it to free it, to move it up and out.
I smile on the young woman I was in this phase of my emotional and spiritual expansion! I am so proud of her and grateful for what yoga has offered me over the years.
Transformation
And now, I am in a different place.
Everything changes; this is a new season for me. The physical postures are less illuminating than the simplicity of sitting down with a mantra or mudra.
That is the story for today.
Next time, I will tell another story about a woman and her infatuation with reading and teaching!
Sending you a blessing,
Seraphina
Ritual of the Unstruck Virtual Yoga Studio
〰️
Ritual of the Unstruck Virtual Yoga Studio 〰️
A 30-minute Kundalini class that activates the navel chakra to stimulate digestion and Sukh Nidra (deep sleep), you'll move through core work, twists, squats, folds, and heart opening.
This is a 30-minute Kundalini class that activates the navel chakra to stimulate digestion and Sukh Nidra (deep sleep). You'll move through core work, twists, squats, folds, and heart opening.
By doing these exercises, you will stimulate the nervous system and release energy. The idea is that you will have a deep, restful sleep (Sukh Nidra) and drop into the subconscious dream space.
Focus: BOF, Navel Chakra
Length: 33 minutes
Loctation: Essaouria, Morocco
BENEFITS OF THE KRIYA:
Internal organs receive a massage from pressure at the navel - strong breath.
Strengthens the heart from the rhythmic pumping of the belly through the breath.
Bring the energy from the lower chakras to the higher chakras to strengthen the auric field (protective layer)
Strengthens the core stabilizers.
Invigorates the entire being from physical to subtle layers.
