pluvieux
“ To understand the things that are at our door is the best preparation for understanding those that lie beyond.”
Dear Simone,
What sort of romantic relationships did you experience in your life? Did you feel the low rumble of passion that prods gently as an earthworm churning through the dirt- seeking the sun's warmth, despite not knowing what it is?
Love is like that- I seek connection without perceiving the source of what I strive toward.
There have been many cloudy and cold days. I sleep alone in a white bed with double sheets. I wear two pairs of socks to sleep, and still, my feet are cold. I run one foot up the other shin and back down again, forcing heat between two sticks of wood.
The ember is packed tight between my lungs and I breathe deep under the canopy I created with the sheets and six pillows.
Sometimes I talk to myself.
I drink warmed oat milk with matcha in the morning for my upset stomach. I've had an ache in my guts for weeks that's exacerbated by sitting. The only place I feel contained is on my left side, with my nose pressed to my knees. I like to feel my heart beat against my thighs.
When I'm upright, I feel the thing that throbs moving outside of me- beyond my fingertips and nose. I want to grab it and shove it back into my body. No matter how wide I open my mouth, I cannot consume the one thing that slips beyond my reach.
My spirit, Simone, it eludes me to go dancing with the universe.
My spirit will not be possessed.
I can tease it to come home and belong to me with yoga and running by the ocean. I wonder about the later years when I will not be as mobile. How will I catch it then, do you think?
Answers appear
I feel sick from the too-fast flux; change is so rapid- I am overly informed. There was an earthquake in Turkey and twelve hundred people died. I read an article on my phone about a team that pulled a baby out from the ruins. The infant was alive. Do you think it will remember its second birth from the rubble? The hard and heavy earth is no match for the warmth and wetness of a mother's womb.
We all do not enter the world with such ease, Simone. We are not all received by love. How do you think this alters our life path?
Photo source.
