persiflage
“It’s not that you are dead or anything dramatic like that, it is simply that you are fading away and I can’t even remember your name.”
Silk shoes lined the Fossil Grey walls. The girl had chosen the paint color when they were getting along. She’d wanted to feel wrapped in midnight. She'd hung twelve lines of fairy lights from the ceiling, tiny white strobes that looked like fireflies.
When she was utterly debased, she'd lay on the floor and imagine she was floating high amongst the constellations.
Mars was her abdomen, Saturn was her left shoulder, and Venus was her right shoulder. Pluto was at her ankle, and Mercury was at her throat. Jupiter took residence at her wrists and Neptune at her third eye.
She was the moon, presiding over nighttime, and her sister was the sun- alighting the day with her warmth and fire. Her sister was rarely home when she was, and in this way, they rotated in almost perfect synchronicity as the solar system. In constant motion, though never crossing paths.
The girl knelt by the shoes and picked up each to feel the textures in her small hands.
There were so many pairs. Heeled and flat, wedges and stilettos. Espadrilles laced each shin, and leather boots zipped up to the thigh. She chose a dark silk purple shoe with laces and wedged heels. Completely impractical for the rain; they would be ruined even in the mist.
The girl set the shoes down beside a pair of chunky beige heels with a rounded toe. She stood and looked in the mirror. Her frame was ample, her hair short. It was dark outside, the moon full as her bare chest, and the girl was cold. She strode quietly to the armoire and pulled out dark jeans. She slipped into a purple thong and black-checkered silk socks before sliding into the pants. The button was tight at the waist, and the girl cursed herself for being so inconveniently vain.
The closet's doors were closed tight. They were made from the same dark wood as the bedroom door. There were chips around the main door jam from being slammed so many times. In the room adjacent, the cracks had split into the walls. Their mother had taken to removing the entries and hiding the hinge pins in her brown satchel. She wore the small purse around her waist, even while sleeping, to prevent the sisters from taking what they needed from it.
Hinge pins and a small notebook with the alarm code were the desired commodities.
Privacy was a privilege in their household.
The girl strode to the closet and opened it by pulling on the brass handle. She could smell the musky scent of her sweaters and long robes in navy and jade. Pausing to examine her figure in the gold-gilded mirror, she felt something move beside her. A man poked his head from the wardrobe and smiled. He was taller than the girl, with dark curly hair and thin legs. He wore a blue dress with gold sleeves. A chain hung from his neck with a small rectangle with crystals set at each corner.
The girl leaped away from the crevasse. She covered her bare midriff with her hands, elbows jutting wide to the side.
‘The satin shoes are a wonderful choice, the man said. May I suggest a top?’
The man turned and stepped back into the girl's wardrobe, disappearing momentarily, and returned holding one of the girl's favorite blouses.
The shell was chiffon and patterned with deep red, magenta, and blue flowers. It had billowy sleeves and a high neckline. The inner layer of the shirt was black and covered only the chest.
“This will look grand with the shoes you've chosen.” Said the man.
“Who are you, and where have you come from,” said the girl.
“I've been here all along,” said the man, “the time to appear was appropriate just now!”
“All along,” said the girl, “what do you mean?”
“Please, take your blouse,” the man extended his hands toward the girl.
“Turn around, then!” Said the girl.
The man smiled. “I can do that though you must know I have watched you since you were a slip of bone and flesh.”
The girl clenched her teeth.
“Please do not be alarmed; this witnessing is not sexual where I am from. It has been my delight to watch you blossom into a young woman.”
“You've been in my closet since I was a child!”
“Yes! It is my Dharma to be here with you.”
“Dharma?”
“My fate- it was decided without me long ago. You are the child of the moon- you feel this already.”
“I don't understand. I'd like a sweater, too, please; I am quite cold.” The girl took the shirt from the man and slipped it over her head.
“I thought so; here, this will look fetching over the top.”
He pulled out the girl's favorite chunky knit white sweater. The wide neckline would show off the ruffled top. He was right; it did look fetching.
The girl sat down on the floor.
“Let me help you with your shoes.”
“I can do it. Tell me about the moon.”
“I am from Günay. I am part of the Gunasians. Our job is to aid those who have been split from their psyche and set down on what you call Earth.”
“What do you call it?”
“Ennui is the Gunasians unofficial term for this planet. You see, you were one of us, of Günay, though somewhere in the Cosmic Hole, you asked a question that was not properly answered. The inquiry pushed you out here, at Ennui. Until you resolve the question you initially provoked, you will not be able to be released or understand your Dharma.”
“What was the question?”
“Only you know that. Everyone receives their own riddle to resolve in the Cosmic Hole.”
“And you,” said the girl as she rose to her feet; she was taller than the man in the heels, “your riddle has been fixed?”
“All those of Günay have aligned within their convictions. They live out their lives fully within the Great Paradox. We Gunasians accept our Dharma and exist in the Auspicious World. You, Ennuisians, are what we call ‘bent.’ Some of you, such as yourself, are released through your curiosity. You keep pushing once you’ve arrived here on Ennui, and through the thrust energy, you become free to do as you wish and discover your Dharma. Some of you never leave; you keep being reborn into this encoded reality. You remain bent.”
“Am I bent?”
“Not fully. Think of a triangle that must become a rectangle. You haven't fully integrated each of the four lines. You are still a triangle, though; there is potential for the fourth to appear if you commit yourself to the work.”
“And then I get to Günay?”
“No, you will not join us on Günay. You’re Dharma will be here to help others discover their question and receive the quest of creating the fourth line.”
“How do I do that?”
“You listen.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Oh, but it is! Listening is the easiest thing. You’ve just misremembered how to do it.”
“Will you teach me?”
“There is nothing I can give you. You must listen to the voice you heard when you chose to name yourself for the moon and your sister for the sun.”
“So I will become unbent through laying on the ground?”
“Yes. I told you; it is that simple.”
The man stepped back from the girl and strode back into the closet.
“You must go now; you will be late for your date.”
As the man moved to close the closet doors, the girl stopped him-
"Please, wait."
"I cannot tell you anything else! I've already said too much."
"It's not that; I need an umbrella; its' started to rain."
Photo source.
