irenic
“You may not believe in magic but something very strange is happening at this very moment. ”
The girl was in a wide room with high ceilings and cement blocks that created stairs. One dark brown door provided the entrance and exit; the stairs led to the ceiling where one could crouch under the flat roof. Red sheets covered yellow lanterns, so the walls glowed a dark orange. Two large white cats were tucked in the shadows, in the cracks between the walls and at the top of each purposeless stairwell. One male and one female, they chased each other around the room, hissing.
Untroubled by the chaos, the girl watched the cats from where she sat on the floor. They were locked in the room; a thought she pushed from her mind as she watched the cats lick their small paws. She had nowhere to be and wasn’t desirous of anything. The cats rolled on the floor and presented her with their furry bellies. The girl swept her fingers through their soft fur and used a thumb to rub the crease between their brows. Purring deeply, the cats reciprocated the favor by laying on the girl's stomach.
It was a wonderful thing to feel immobile.
Someone knocked on the door, and the cats leaped from the girl's body and scurried off. It was Kelly, her long hair tied back by a red band. The girl wanted to ask why everything was so bright and could not. The colors were not of her business. Kelly strode into the room and looked around, peeking into corners for the felines.
‘Where are they?’ Kelly demanded, her eyebrows arched. They had been drawn on with dark ink. Her pale skin and long neck gave her the appearance of elegance. The girl couldn’t see her eyes; Kelly never looked at her directly.
‘They’re about, somewhere,’ the girl replied. She was still cross-legged on the floor, her back against one red wall.
‘Have they done it?’
‘No.’
‘Why not. It’s been days!’
‘These things take time; they’ll mate when they feel ready when the time is ripe.’
‘You have one job. It must be done. If you can’t deliver, we’ll do it our way.’
‘It cannot be forced; it won’t have the same effect.’
‘You have one role in this room, remember that.’
Kelly left through the same brown door, and the girl heard the key turning in the brass lock. She imagined Kelly filling out the proper paperwork on her phone, those long fingers working quickly to communicate the situation.
The cats reappeared once Kelly’s footsteps ceased echoing down the narrow hallway. The lights flickered twice- a warning, of course. There was no such thing as coincidence. With the cats at her shins, the girl was hesitant to get up. There wasn’t any place to go, though she was sick of sitting. Her back hurt, and the floor was cold. The female cat pushed her head against the girl's chest, nudging her lightly. The girl stroked her back, and when she pulled her palm away, it was coated in silver threads.
The girl had looked after the two since they were kittens. She’d witnessed their growth and given them names she dared not say out loud. She whispered their names when the lights dimmed ever so slightly, the signal that it was time to sleep. The girl would sleep restlessly on her side on the flat mattress provided. Sometimes the cats joined her, but mostly they scampered around the small room, clawing at the walls and spitting at each other.
They needed to mate, but it was not time.
The girl could feel it.
The moment was not correct; the cats would feel it or they wouldn’t, and no one could rush the process if it were to be done naturally. Kelly wanted to use a syringe and get it over with. Artificial insemination. She didn’t care about the cycles or sensations that gave birth to the world of form. She wanted it done and would command it by her own will and that of the scientific proof that provided her support.
The three spent the afternoon crawling on all fours. The girl performed calenesthetics for an hour or so each day. She’d push the wall for resistance and run up and down the stairs. Her movement was considered; slow and without abrupt force. She didn’t want to disrupt the cats and felt that slower-paced motion reached a deeper source of her strength than momentum. The female cat had no interest in the girl’s activity and would disappear to some nether region of the room. The male cat liked to watch and would sit upright and follow the girl's performance with his dark purple eyes.
When she was done, the girl was moist and would wipe her brow with the sleeves of her shirt. She’d be permitted to bathe only after the deed was done, so her bed swelled slightly by her scent. If the cats were troubled, they didn’t show it. Each snuggled just as tightly to the girl despite the dank aroma that intensified as the days passed.
The three were permitted water without request and solid food only if they felt too weak or nauseous. The girl often requested seeds for herself and would sit on the floor and break the small nuts between her palms. Pistachios were served in a small bowl, and the pumpkin seeds were in a small vial with a screwtop. The girl kept them with the jug of water in the corner by her bed. She also had a small gold bell, a whistle, two small brushes, a notebook, and a pen. She had been instructed to brush each cat twice, which she did, and write what she observed, which she did not, daily.
The girl could not be bothered to record what she witnessed; her fingers were too busy in the silver threads of the felines. Kelly’s crew would receive the barren notebook and bite their lips as they had in the past. The girl was not to their liking- she did not listen- though she was the only one the cats had chosen time and time again.
And no one wanted to upset the order of things, no matter how lucid the girl was at doing her job.
As she lay in bed with her head in her hands, the girl thought about the stone structures the cats presented her as she stroked them. The cats had presented her with small rocks that felt heavy in her palm. As she held the rock, she felt her feet move through the dirt. Kicking rubble, she saw the dust rise and fall against her legs. Looking up, she saw that she was in a red desert. The cat's tails flicked back and forth as she followed them.
The female cat stopped and turned around, 'hang onto the stone,' she said. 'If you drop it, you will lose the image. I can not bring you back here once you leave.' Her purple eyes glowed in the red dunes. Her fur was a mirror of the emptiness all around. They were the only three creating footprints in the sand.
‘Keep walking,’ said the male cat; ‘we must get to the top to see.’
Ascending the hills of dust and creating clay as the sweat from their bodies churned with earth to mud.
The girl knew better than to ask questions. Seeking was an inside job; the only inquiry was what arose from within. She licked her lips and hummed a little to herself as she strode upwards, working much harder than the little cats who easily sauntered, their backsides catching the bright light.
As they peaked, the girl saw that the dunes created mountainscapes with layers of rock and minerals. Each layer sparkled white and gold, and the girl became dizzy from the luminescence.
‘Hold on to the stone in your palm,’ the female cat whispered in her ear. ‘It will ground you. We are going higher than you have ever before; the air is quite thin; breathe slowly and clasp the rock if you feel faint. Stop licking your lips; you will want the water.’
The sand became heavier as they moved upwards, and the mountains grew taller despite their ascension. The girl’s clothing was soaked to her underwear. She looked down and saw that a river had cleaved a path behind her; where her feet touched the earth, a pool of water appeared, and as the water surged, it bled into the adjacent footprint. The water burst from the earth and ran down the hillside. As the girl traced the blue with her eyes, she saw green trees and flowers had blossomed along the river's edges. She could suddenly hear insects whirring about and feel the rumble of footsteps and hooves against the shifting stones.
‘Keep moving,’ the male cat said, ‘we cannot look backward. You must focus your attention on what is ahead.’
Turning around from the bountiful scenery, the girl felt her feet squish in the sand. It was even more difficult walking upright. She palmed the stone and sent her voice to the cats; I want to crawl. I will join you now on all fours. The cats purred their agreement, and the girl put the small stone in her pocket to take her hands to the earth.
She felt the world's heat beneath her knees and hands on all fours. Lightly pressing her palms and toes to the ground, she felt the steady hum of water gliding behind her. Now her palms created the holes that filled with water, and her knees and feet. The water became louder and stronger. The pressure is too much to withstand. They crawled together until the girl's hands were rough and red. It hurts, the girl whimpered. The cats were quiet. I will slither on my belly as a snake, said the girl.
On her abdomen and elbows, the girl felt calmer and at ease. Her heart shuddered against the ground, and the waterfall grew more prominent behind her. She could hear antelope, deer, and horses galloping. She heard elephants shriek and the proud roar of a lion. Large winged birds flew overhead, and fish leaped and splashed in the oceans. The girl heard it all and felt the ripples of life move through her body.
She felt the sand moving backward as she pushed her elbows into the ground and dug ahead. Her scalp and back burned from the sun, and the feeling of being torn in half intensified. The parts of her touching the earth were cold. The parts of her facing the sun were hot and smooth. She slithered onwards and heard children laughing.
‘We are here,’ said the female cat, ‘you can stop now.’
The girl stopped moving and blinked twice, trying to rid the sunlight of her eyes. The cats were gone and in their place were four small purple crystals in a nest of silver grass.
‘You know what you must do,’ the girl heard from somewhere else, ‘the light will disappear if you do not do it now!’ The laughter sounded manic and the children were crying.
The girl picked up the four purple crystals and set them on her tongue.
‘You must swallow.’
The girl shook her head; she couldn’t. She would tear- the crystals were jagged.
‘You must; it won’t be painful for very long.’
The girl felt the shadow arrive overhead; its sound was total silence. The water stopped rushing and the girl could no longer feel the earth beneath her body. She could no longer sense the rhythm of the animals.
‘You must swallow,’ the cats purred on her tongue.
‘I can’t! The tearing is too great!’
'It was always meant to be in two,' the cats said, 'the splitting creates the third.'
The girl pressed the four stones to the roof of her mouth, smothering all sound. She stood up and felt her crown touch the darkness. Holding onto everything she knew, she tasted salt and blood.
‘Wake up; swallow.’
As the girl opened her eyes, she saw the white room with curtains spread to reveal the sunlight. Her hummingbird feeder was empty. She wiggled her toes and felt that her feet were bare. Her white smock was damp. There was a glass of water on the bedside table.
'You’ve been dreaming. The night nurse said you cried out several times in your sleep. Do you recall what your dreams were about?'
The long dark hair and those thick eyebrows.
The girl swallowed.
Photo source.
