elayne
“Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering.”
I am overweight with a passion for living. My lust is insatiable. I am greedy and reckless- abound by the joy I feel by making the world my plaything. When I become overwhelmed by sadness, I suffer the inertia without whining.
The things that make me melancholic in no such order of relevance:
Love.
Memories.
Endings.
I am sad because I realize that even as I type this, it is occurring in the past. Nostalgia is the greatest suffering of the soul; I keep wanting this passion I’ve felt and cannot foresee.
What is alive in me is also the thing that is dead. I can beat it with clenched fists or receive it with open palms. It doesn’t matter either way; force or fellowship are equal paths to the Divine.
What is love without the other? What is light without darkness? What is my soul without the body to contain its essence and consciousness to give it its question?
Purpose requires purposelessness so I daydream.
I love it so deeply it hurts. The ache I carry is what I exchange in each inhale; I take in the energy around me. Unconsiousness contracts and the subconscious uncoils. My gut tells me NO when my heart says YES YES YES, and it is the loud, clean bell that chimes with the wind.
I listen and lean into the love I cannot see in those around me. All of the time, though, I know it is there!
You do too. It is flapping its wings in the cage you’ve created out of those silly metal sticks cleaved from the dust and flame. I’ve licked my lips from the heat, and the taste of iron gives context: I bleed green and gold.
I can’t stand myself, and I love Her so dearly it makes the taste of my longing nearly digestible!
Photo source.
