yuputka
“sky lavender and cornerless, the
moon rattles like a fragment of angry candy ”
Dear Anias,
I had strange dreams last night.
A white beast.
Piles and piles of shoes, none of them with a matching sole.
Silver shoes I wanted to wear, but they were too small.
A small boy who wanted to run away.
Teaching swimming lessons in the pool. Diving.
Needing to be somewhere else.
A man was kissing my back. He was leaving.
I did not turn around to say goodbye.
Yellow sky.
Rocks, the beast tripped and I slid to its wings.
A dog was there, clinging by its mouth.
Blue eye with brown spots. It trusted me.
*
I slept heavily. I feel drunk. I am fizzy around the edges.
Heating cream at the stove, I am listening to Clara.
She is so full of love. I can hear it in her voice.
Even when she's tired. Especially when she's tired.
I'd kicked all the covers off of my body.
It is Spring Equinox today. The air is dry.
Church bells brought me back from the dead.
I left the blue-eyed dog, my hand on its back.
I left him. We could not make eye contact.
I don't look backward, ever. Not for anyone.
*
I broke my fast with two dates.
Sugar is good for replenishing the body.
I spent the day yesterday reading
and writing. The usual things.
The day moved along smoothly.
It rained at one point; I heard the patter
on the wooden roof and watched the beads
smear the skylight window panes.
At sunset, I went for a long walk around the canal.
The fountain is always off on Sundays, and the
koi fish come out to play.
Dark spots create ripples in the water.
I could only see the shadow,
and sometimes, a fin.
The white and red are much easier to see.
I prefer dark purple. They glide along.
Unnoticed. It's how I choose to move.
I went up into the trees, the wee woods.
I walked to the peak and looked out over Nimes.
There were two couples stuck together at the mouth.
Perched like the birds, I could hear the wooden benches.
Their hands and tongues intertwined.
I turned my face to the sunset and let its warmth
lick my cheeks, chin, and eyelids.
Foreplay with the forest.
Skipping down the stones as the sun disappeared
behind the clouds and then to the edge of the land.
I began to plan my dinner.
It was dark when I got home. I slipped through the
wooden slates like the purple koi fish.
Dinner was a salad with a fruit platter for dessert.
Arugula, beets, lentils, quinoa, feta cheese.
I wished I'd purchased a loaf of bread from the cafe.
I had bananas drizzled with almond butter and honey.
My stomach had shrunk. I hadn't eaten for seventeen hours.
I was full after a few bites of salad. I took intervals.
It was nearly ten pm when I'd completed the meal.
I've started to read The Bhagavad Gita again.
I've read it so many times!
How many horrible situations this psalm has seen me through!
Too many to count. My soft cover was wrinkled and worn.
I gave it to Mallory.
I wonder where it is now. I wonder where she is now.
Photo source.
