epuise
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
All this time I thought I used drugs to escape. To avoid my feelings. To contract and expand in a way sobriety did not allow.
I see now; I feel how my efforts were to bring me closer to the Divine.
I wanted to feel my skin stretch. I wanted to feel soft and impenetrable. I wanted to be filled up and released. I wanted to be held forever, up high, kites in the wind.
Where are you, God? In the moment of transition, a black backroom with my palms full of soap. Washing glitter. Smelling paint. The scent of sweat and cigarettes. A yellow crop top and curly hair. Jeans I took off and tossed to the floor. Pink underwear Jessica stroked and said those are too big for you.
Her face in the mirror was the Mother I've always wanted.
GOD. I touched you in the sink, and while everyone else was dancing, we stood in the toilet stall, stroking each other's arms. I've been chasing that sensation for over a decade.
Photo source.
