colocataire
“Whatever happens on earth is only a transitionary dream picture projected in time and space by ourselves. ”
4.
We are embarking on a new path together. I don’t know where it goes. I consider you a spiritual friend, a playmate, and a catalyst in my personal development. You are no longer my lover. I must shift how I identify you and what we will give, receive, and create together.
What is a lover?
What is a friend?
A lover is someone I can be intimate with and express bursts of lust and passion. It is someone I share my body with and whisper secrets to in the dark. As lovers, we enter a new world together when our bodies touch and we become wet and open ourselves to the experience of creating together.
Love is life. On a physical level, making love literally plants the seed of life in a woman’s womb.
On a spiritual level, life is the will to connect- to merge with another person's consciousness/soul.
Love is opening your heart to receive the other.
I have done that with you, and you with me.
You are in my heart and always will be. For me, when someone enters this space, they never leave. Everyone I’ve ever shared my heart with is still in there- some more quietly than others.
You are soft spoken though your voice in my heart is the loudest right now!
We cannot make love to each other and explore the landscape of each other's bodies.
I accept this. It makes me feel a little lonely and a little curious!
I have never been in a relationship like this before, with myself or another person.
My initial reaction to your suppressed desire was that there was something wrong with me. I spent weeks wondering if I was unattractive. If you did not find me appealing. What I could do to make myself more desirable?
At this moment, I realize how I’ve attached my validation in a partnership with another person to sex.
I feel how insidious and subtle the contract of being a sexual object- that my reassurance relies on sexual gratification and commitment.
Even now, there is a small part of me that wonders why you love me if you cannot hold and have me; we cannot lay together, so why be together?
I understand, consciously, that sex is one aspect of a relationship. I have made it a primary element of my attachment to partners in the past without knowing it.
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