abulia
“There exists, between people in love, a kind of capital held by each. This is not just a stock of affects or pleasure, but also the possibility of playing double or quits with the share you hold in the other’s heart. ”
Acupuncture Appointment
Markiko - June (2)
Part 4.
The building is very dark as I enter. I press the button and hold it down with my index finger so it rings. A long clean line from me to the third floor. Door six. and I wait for about twenty seconds before I am buzzed inside.
I cannot see as I stride down the hall. The mirrors present my shadow, and my legs look much longer. My hair is loose, and I wore no makeup this time. I chose a pair of heeled espadrilles and linen shorts with a dark green top. I buttoned the top to my neck and tied the ends in a little bow just below my navel.
A small boy is seated in the corner by the stairs. I see him as I approach the first step. A yellow shoe with white rubber toes sticks out from the lift of the stairwell, and I turn to look for the body it's attached to. The child is about eight, with dark curls and eyes trained on a book on his lap. He's reclined on a mustard yellow and brown prayer rug. He has a small pillow beneath his head, and his legs are splayed. He looks comfy.
I've stopped walking, and he looks up from his book. Nonplussed. I smile. He nods. He returns to his book. I ascend the stairs.
When I reach floor three, door six, I hear a cat on the other side of the wood. It calls out in sharp cries- meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I knock twice. There is a pause; I feel the cat was interrupted and has moved. A woman in a white coat opens the door and bows me inside. I spy the cat to the left of the entrance to the kitchen. I know it's the kitchen because of the smell of mint tea and the clatter of dishes. The woman in the white coat is the maid. She smiles at me and points to the couch. She goes through the curtains in the archway where the cat sits. I hear water running and clattering dishes. It is a kitchen.
The cat is orange with brown stripes and jade-green eyes. It has a white chin and belly, and paws. It's big and fluffy and beautiful. Its tail switches back and forth as it watches me. I squat down and hold out my hand. The cat doesn't move. It cocks an ear toward the hallway, just one, and tilts its head. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
A door opens.
Mariko comes down the dark hallway. Today, she wears a gold tunic with dark green slacks and black slippers. Her hair is pinned back and curls at her temples and ears. She has thick silver hoops in her ears, small, with little beads that slide along the bottom.
Hello, good afternoon, she says to me.
Shhh, she says to the cat.
He is so emotional! She says to me.
You must hush while I am working! She says to the cat.
I will be in five minutes; I am clearing the room, she tells me.
The cat follows Mariko down the dark hallway to the room, so I rise and walk around the waiting area. A poster of an outline of a human body with the nervous and endocrine system hangs to the right of the door. The glands are enlarged outside the body so the viewer can see the connection between each organ and the bones, muscles, and nerves. Numbered lines connect the parts of the body. The writing is in Japanese.
From my understanding of Ayurveda and TCM, I know how our behavior is directly linked to the attainment of our nervous and endocrine systems. Metabolism, growth, reproduction, emotional fluctuations, and homeostasis rely on communication and signals between the brain and body.
We have two nervous systems, the central nervous system (CNS = the spinal cord to the brain) and the peripheral nervous system (PNS = all the nerve endings extending out from the CNS. The bundles of nerves and organs in the photo are the PNS.
The PNS is further split into the autonomic (involuntary movements such as digestion, sweating, and breathing) and the somatic (voluntary responses composed of sensory and motor neurons.) The somatic system sends emotive messages to the brain.
Then, the autonomic nervous system is divided into the sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) systems. The two balance each other out and are stimulated by the breath.
The endocrine system comprises glands that secret hormones into the bloodstream and carry the information to the organs and tissues.
The nervous and endocrine systems influence thought processes, emotional reactions, and how we act, make decisions, feel, engage with others, interact with our environment, and manage ourselves.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
The cat is in the hallway.
Ok, Seraphina. I am ready for you.
The procedure is the same when I enter the room. I take off my skirt and blouse, so Mariko can place her hands on my abdomen, waist, spine, and neck.
Your diaphragm is not so strained. Did you take a rest this past week?
I nod.
Good. Yes, your belly is hot. Strong. Something is upsetting it still, but the meridian is not blocked. Do you take probiotics?
I shake my head.
Get some. They will do you good. Something is off, and I don't think it is from your nerves. I think it is your gut flora. Please, lay down on your belly.
Once I am supine, Mariko takes the ends of the linen bedsheet and wraps me in them; like a cacoon. Is the caterpillar consious of its becoming a butterfly? Does that transformation exist at the periphery? When it goes under, does it know it will wake up and never be what it was?
Mariko takes out the block and hammer. She begins at my feet, lightly tapping over the white cloth.
Do you feel this? It sticks in some places. Your left side is of disease. It is weaker. Your right side is too strong; the muscles grip the bone tightly! I think it is from here- she touches my right foot, the bunion. This is where the source is.
What can I do?
You are already doing it. This is your life; you must keep making micro-adjustments to care for yourself. Always there is never a day when you can not observe and ask yourself; how does it feel? What can I do to create balance? Always, you must ask this of your body- how does it feel? And then make the adjustments. Especially as we age, we must pay attention!
The tapping tells you the muscles are tight.
You feel this- Mariko takes the instruments, places them over my left hip, and taps five times. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
She moves over to my right side and repeats the process.
Do you feel it is dull on one side?
Yes.
The vibration tells me- you feel it as heavy and sticky; it does not resonate as deeply as the other side. I am listening to the sound of the vibration through the wood. Yes, I feel with the tools, but mostly I listen for the sound. That is how I know through the vibration if it is a clean line.
Where form meets the formless - the inner world gives birth to the outer world through resonance. A woman, a Lacanian Somatic Therapist, who attended my North Vancouver yoga classes told me that my crooked toe resulted from being creatively repressed.
Do you feel the difference in your body?
I do.
See how one, it is short, staccato. And the other side is much longer; it is pure. Relax, put your head down. I will do your leg meridians today.
Photo source.
