la douleur exquise
“The heart has reasons that reason cannot know.”
The girl’s lessons encouraged her to become someone she didn’t want to be.
A tutor was employed to sit with her for seventy-five minutes each Tuesday and Thursday. She arrived at quarter past eleven in the morning and stayed for lunch afterwards. Lunch was always served with peaches and cream with a strong coffee for the tutor. The girl preferred the noodle soup, though, despite the request, a cook was always preparing salads with beans and tofu.
Her lessons were taught seated on wooden chairs with straight backs. The window was kept slightly ajar so the girl could hear the camaraderie at the cafes beyond the white doors.
She imagined her tutor there, with her long dark hair on her back. Her tutor had a lovely neck. She wore small gold earrings and a necklace with a horseshoe around her throat.
The girl never asked questions. It was a futile attempt at bonding, so she sat straight as the chair and listened as the tutor prattled French words and asked the girl to write them with her hands.
Cursive made the memory stronger.
Ouvrir.
To open.Ouvrir la voie.
To pave the way.Ouvrez la fenêtre.
To open the window.
The girl's mother found the tutor sitting in a pale silk dress on a cement block. A paradox is arousing. The mother watched as the woman picked pennies from her satchel and tossed them in the frothy fountain. She had a cigarette in the palm full of pennies and a creamy coffee in a stemless mug. Her hair was wound in a braid to the left side of her face. She had a mole above her upper lip.
The water splashed up as the woman tossed pennies at the fountain to wet her dress. Perhaps that’s why she did it. The tutor didn’t believe in wishes. The girl had asked.
The mother approached the tutor, who was then nothing but a young woman to her, and asked if she could have a light. The woman nodded and gestured for the mother to sit. They puffed slowly on their tabs and flicked their change to the water.
When the young woman had finished her coffee, she squared her soaked shoulders to the mother, presenting the half-circle necklace glittering at her throat.
Do you have a job, by chance?
What kind of job?
It doesn’t matter. I’m good for a lot of things.
What are your talents?
I can make puff pastry and poach an egg. I can tell when a man is looking at me even when it appears as if he is not. I don’t mind getting my feet dirty. My grandmother taught me to sew and do long equations in my head. I can hide in plain view and find all the constellations. I know when it's going to storm and when to put myself to bed when I’ve had too much drink. I can sing, dance, and swim. I play piano and can walk for miles in uncomfortable footwear. My brothers taught me to defend myself with an open fist. My mother taught me manners though I rarely use them.
Can you teach?
Yes.
What will you teach?
I speak French, Portuguese and Spanish.
You can come to teach my daughter French. Twice weekly. I’ll pay you 90₣ per session and a meal.
How old is your daughter?
She’s nine. She’ll like you. See that she moves a bit as you instruct; she fidgets.
And this is how the girl came to have her tutor.
Photo source.
