E is in a good mood this week. Playful, even. He gave me a time of his arrival unprompted. This never happens. Usually, I have to ask four questions before I get to the source. Today, I did not ask anything. 

I am sick of making requests of people. I know the answer before it is given, and with E specifically, it is better to let him come to his own conclusion than coach him into the position I want.

I've decided that I will not ask him to sleep over anymore. I also won't ask about his schedule concerning when I see him. As soon as I let this go, he will be more forthcoming. 

Like he was today.

He arrived in the afternoon and we did our usual little routine together. Cold water and the fan; he is always very hot when he comes. It's been very humid. It is rolling thunder and lightning at the moment. No rain. The tempest has been brewing for days. Like my insides, dark and boiling. 

We sat on the couch thigh to thigh. He put his hand on my leg. I did not touch him. He doesn't like it when he's sweaty. I know I can touch him when he settles into his spot on the couch. His body shifts and his disposition changes. He spent some time texting with a player's father on his phone. I don't mind. It lets us energetically drop in with each other.

We can't talk about much anyway. 

I make coffee and by this time, E has taken his pants off and sits on the couch with ease in his boxers and shirt. Sometimes he extends his legs in the fashion I admire and I put my hand on his leg. I like to poke him until he flexes his calves. He has the sexiest legs. I love a good quad muscle. He lingered longer than he usually does today. He teased me. He offered to cook me dinner and breakfast. He makes good menemen: eggs cooked with onion, green peppers, tomatoes, and spices in oil. We would have black tea and simit, the Turkish bread, followed by Kahave (coffee.) 

The best simit comes from the Turkish bazaar, where E shops for it. There is also a dish, the name I do not remember, where you bake a potato with an egg inside. 

We have never eaten breakfast together, though it is the most important meal of the day for Turks and always done amongst family and friends. 

Morris and Filiz had a group breakfast at the hut in Antalya almost every morning around nine. There would be several types of bread, cheese, jams (that Filiz made with the fruit from the garden), and olives. Bowls of diced cucumber, green beans, and tomatoes doused with oil and spices. We'd sit for hours chatting and snacking and sipping the black tea before someone would rise to clear the table. Coffee and sweets were brought out next; it would be noon before the day started! It was such a treat to enjoy this time with them. 

My stomach has been upset for three days. I can hardly eat anything, though I enjoyed watching and listening to E speak of his culinary capabilities. I don't doubt that he is a good cook. He also makes a very nice spaghetti. He told me this today in bed. He drew the curtains. The drapes are purple and the bedspread is black, so the atmosphere felt very moody. We did not stay in the room for too long; it was too hot. 

I am ovulating and the egg hasn't been released yet. I can feel it. I thought it let go the other day, but I'm still getting the sharp pangs on the lower left side of my abdomen. 

E has been texting me more this week; maybe he feels my pain and wants to check in. I don't know why, but he is more attentive. Everything has been so haphazard and bleak, including the weather. E has been the only constant in the last seventy-two hours and I don't know what to make of this. 

Anything related to finances and technology is not working out in my favor. My bank put a hold on all my cards, credit and debit. I could not phone them without a new SIM card, and it took nearly two hours to communicate and get the correct card for an international phone call. It also cost me eighty euros. This is normal with the inflation in Turkey. 

I was on hold with the bank for over an hour. The man I spoke to was very kind and asked me a dozen security questions. I got one wrong, and he said he would have to cancel all my cards and send me new ones. He waited while I considered the charge I could not name. It was my Apple TV (which I do want to cancel) and I nearly cried when I figured it out. Bless him for being so patient with me. I could not wait another week (or more!) for new credit and debit cards. 

Next, I had to pay the dentist for my teeth. This part was easy, though it took a few hours from my day. I received three emails while I waited in the reception lounge:

1. My Indian e-visa: not declined, but also not approved. They want more information about my work and trip before granting me the visa.

2. Wise: the third-party app where I tried to transfer money to pay for my teeth. I have two thousand dollars in cyberspace. Daisy assured me I would see it in my online banking in two days. 

3. Georgina: why she feels I should not stay to do my work in Turkey. She advised me to read the news in all the countries I'm invested in and see how I fit into global affairs.

I spent three hours reading the news and I feel this is why my stomach is still so upset. All I've eaten today is oatmeal with blackberries and honey, figs, basmati rice, fried zucchini, and hummus. 

The most upsetting story was about a woman shot in the face by her ex-husband. The worst part: the man live-streamed it on Instagram. This occurred in Bosnia, where there is a major gender power gap. 

I also discovered that Erdogan pulled Turkey from the European Treaty on domestic violence.  

I've just eaten the last New York chocolate chip cookie I purchased from the coffee shop I prefer in Kadikoy. Tomorrow I will do the Kichari cleanse for a few days. Maybe ten. I have a bit of feta cheese left and I will finish this. I hate when food goes to waste. 

E is messaging me: it is raining where he is.

Photo source.