lvoe
I misspelled the title of this letter.
Why?
The incorrect spelling made you pause—and isn't that what love is?
One great pause in the regular syntax of things that makes you step back and review everything you thought you knew?
My current 'partner' (I'll refer to him as JP) has a challenging disposition, which is why I like him.
A recent conversation:
Do you want to come to a concert at Küçükçiftlik Park?
Concert? I don't like it.
What do you like?
Soccer. Basketball. Tennis.
I don't do those things.
Ok.
Why am I with this individual?
I like how I feel around him.
While my pragmatic brain tells me that I can create new neural pathways to discover someone more accommodating to my needs, I don't want to.
JP and I don't connect on many levels, and we probably never will.
So why do I stick around?
I've encountered very few people in my short-lived life where I can enjoy the beauty of unbroken silence.
JP doesn't need anything from me; he doesn't ask for anything, anticipate, or assume.
Though there is a language gap and a pretty expansive cultural/religious split, he always plays ball with me.
In my platonic and romantic relationships, the ball usually returns deflated (without any air or inspiration to sustain it) or doesn't return at all.
Game over.
Howard Roward is one of my favorite characters of all time. He cares nothing about what people think without being arrogant, exclusive, or crude.
"I don't propose to force or be forced. Those who want me will come to me."
—Howard Roark, from The Fountainhead.
The thing is, I wouldn't like JP if he wanted to come to the concert with me. I know he doesn't like concerts, so he would say 'yes' to appease me.
Is that the kind of relationship I want? One that relies on each party negotiating their desires and needs to serve the other person?
JP always sends the ball back. It may be filthy—I may not want to touch it—but the game will continue if I can accept the change and what's given.
The wonderous thing about love is its inconvenience, its ability to show you a different aperture into the world—into yourself.
Oh, to the beauty of unbroken silence….
Sending you lvoe and light,
Sera
6-Class Kundalini Yoga Series
These 40-minute practices are themed for the chakras that travel along the spine.
Watch them on Practice with Clara Virtual Yoga Studio, new members get a 7-day free trial.
Zoom Yoga
KRIYA VINYASA - WEDNESDAY
7am pst | 10am est | 4pm cet | 5pm trt
KUNDALINI YOGA - SATURDAY
8am pst | 11am est | 5pm cet | 6pm trt
These classes are open for everyone to attend.
Note for May
— Alice Munro
The last days of May are among the longest of the year.
CURRENTLY
What I’m reading:
◇ Look at the Lights, My Love by Annie Ernaux
What I’m listening to:
◇ How to Love a Woman by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
What I’m practicing:
◇ Kriya for Prana Absorbtion
Quote of the Week:
I’m restless and harsh and despairing. Although I do have love inside me. I just don’t know how to use love. Sometimes it tears at my flesh, like barbs.
― Clarice Lispector
1 question to brew on:
What is your definition of love?